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Post by Xenos Infinity on Apr 4, 2007 13:08:13 GMT -5
I'm posting this here because it's the best place I know. people can read it and they don't have to pay or borrow it from me. just don't pretend it's yours, OK?
this is the story of six young humans, forced into another dimension's war using powers they do not understand. legend or true history, take it as you will. just remember; magic is real, in a way. all you need to do... is search your heart.
Prologue: The Seal
There are many legends rooted throughout the history of Allandria, but one stands out above all others. the War of the Elements. The story goes that, at the beginning of time, six great warriors were created to keep the peace in the new world. These six were given incredible magical powers with which to defend the world; even so, it could not last. The Master of Order was the strongest of all the Elementals and, as they say, 'Absolute power corrupts absolutely'. His thirst for magical power and knowledge was unquenchable. However, the amount of knowledge he could obtain from his own subjects was severely limited. Without thinking about the decision, he declared war on the other five realms. Chaos, Wind and Water allied together in hopes of increasing their defenses aginst their opponent. Earth and Fire knew they stood no chance against the alliance of powers, or the lone Order realm. They were forced to unite with their would-be conquerors, Order, to prevent their anhilation at the hands of the Guardian Knights of SolĂs. Day and night for centuries the six armies battled, each side hoping to push its opponents back to their own worlds (for each Elemental had created a dimension suited to their own needs and wants, which could be used as a fortress in the event of a war). Entire generations were forced to take sides and die to prevent the destruction of the entire world.
After nearly a thousand years, the war came to a stalemate. Neither side could win its battles. Only Xenos, Lord of Chaos, realised the cause. The Creator had placed a spell of his own on their powers before departing to the places where other worlds would later stand. He had anticipated such fighting between Elements and had provided a method of stopping it. One of the most important items provided to each Element at the time of Creation had been a crystal, enchanted in such a way that if a campaign continued for as long as this, most of the Elemental's powers would cease to work. Order and its allies had been stripped of their magic, left only with the most basic of spells; a Sealing spell. Xenos proposed a truce to the other Lords, in order that they use what power they had remaining to stop such a war from reoccurring. Each lord took their crystal to a Temple created by Xenos for one purpose: confinement. Once inside, each Elemental added their power to a shield around the structure.
They then proceded to cast the strongest seal they could... on themselves. Each Commander poured their magic and their soul, along with everything they posessed, into the crystals. Once completed, a single being who was totally without Magic entered the shield and placed the crystals into worlds opened by the Elementals before the Seal was placed. Portals to these realms were scattered across a parallel planet known to most who lived there as Earth, in a universe named the Sol System. The Guardian of the Crystals was gifted with eternal life by Xenos, in order that he could preside over the Elemental Magics until a new set of Elementals arrived.
That was nearly seventy thousand years ago. Now, the barriers between worlds are wearing thin, and the Portals are opening once again. For those who discover them, there is a potential for a great destiny and the possibility of becoming both a legend and a Hero. Not all humans are righteous. but even so... The Story must go on...
END CHAPTER so what do you guys think? I'd appreciate comments and advice, particularly from those who've had experience with writing stories before (I'm looking at yooooou, DP!) next chapter coming soon.
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Post by Black Seraphim Zero on Apr 5, 2007 17:30:46 GMT -5
Very nice.
Though I must say, the opening part seems a little bit like Bionicle's first debut, what with six beings and all that...
The story is really good. But can you stress who the Creator is? Otherwise, keep up the good work!
Note to self: Eliminate the competition.
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Post by Xenos Infinity on Apr 6, 2007 5:54:38 GMT -5
can't stress the Creator. it'd break the story later.
the six beings bit uses the idea from LostMagic, actually. light, dark, water, fire, earth, air. however, Order doesn't have to act like light and Chaos doesn't have to act like dark.
currently working on next chapter.
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Post by Link on Apr 6, 2007 9:29:25 GMT -5
Pretty good. But kinda like aegis said, it seems familliar.
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Post by Xenos Infinity on Apr 6, 2007 9:34:12 GMT -5
the idea is basically a compilation of a lot of books I've read, using my own characters and the plot of a game I was making until my dad deleted the software I was using.
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Post by Black Seraphim Zero on Apr 6, 2007 19:53:58 GMT -5
^^^Order: Basically the same as...Mastery? Seems like it, and Chaos seems like an oxymoron, Xenos was the guy who stated the peace treaty thing...
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Post by Xenos Infinity on Apr 10, 2007 6:50:53 GMT -5
heh. think about it this way: darkness is usually portrayed as evil. who says it has to be? Chaos is simply the alignment. a type of magic, if you will. twisting the chances of something occurring so that, for example, someone will be struck by lightning or survive a meteor impact. it has its limits, though. you couldn't bring about the end of the world with Chaos magic, and you couldn't stop it from ending. it works on less complex things like time, however.
Chapter one: Portal
I smiled, lying back in the sun. Even though it was summertime, the weather in my hometown was usually pretty bad and I preferred to enjoy it when I had spare time. Recently there hadn't been much of that, though. I'd been working on a film project for school; find a subject, make a short film, show it in class at the end of the year. I was having trouble with the subject, though. I'd tried weather (the discovery that lightning hurt a lot more than I thought it would was the only thing I got from that), transport, how things are made... No luck with a decent recording.
"Hey, Jon. What ya doing?" My best mate, Sam, was helping me with the filming. I did the reporting, he did the camera work. He seemed to be more interested in the fact that he kept "seeing ghosts or something" floating behind me. Nobody could see them normally, but one or two people had seen something through the camera. "Not much, really." I replied. "It's pretty boring just sitting around with nothing to do." "Well, why don't we get our bikes out and go down to the river? I heard they were opening a new restaurant there, or something like that." My ears pricked up immediately. Food was possibly my greatest weakness. It was one of about three things that could get me to come off my computer; the others being a new book or possibly a new game for something else. "Eh, ok. I'll just go get it. I hope you're paying though." He laughed. "We don't need to pay if we get there early. They're letting the first 200 customers eat free as a promotion." "Oh? then WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!" I yelled. We leapt up and raced into the garage. Sam's bike was already unlocked but I had to waste a few precious seconds extricating mine from under a pile of security devices.
Ten minutes later, we had arrived. The restaurant was open for business and luckily for us there were only a handful of people inside. The meal was amazing: It was a chinese diner, apparently, so I had my usual chicken and bamboo shoots (highly recommended if you're not a vegetarian). It was possibly the best I'd ever had, but when I saw the prices on the menu I was glad we'd arrived when we did. After we'd eaten, Sam snagged some fortune cookies from the counter and gave one to me. I tore it in half and checked the paper inside. 'A powerful tool will come into your hands today. how you use it is your choice.' What a load of rubbish, I though. Powerful tool? The closest I'd ever get to that was a hammer... Sam was laughing at something, so I took his paper and read that too. 'Today you will find yourself in your element. Use your chance well or risk being pulled under.' I could see why he was laughing. That really made no sense at all. Not yet, anyway.
As we cycled home, Sam suggested we go into the nearby forest to se if we could find something for the project. Normally I would not have hesitated to agree, but I was getting an unusual feeling from the area under the trees and was about to say No when I saw something odd under one of the more ancient oak trees. It was a shimmering ring of light, suspended about 10 centimetres from the floor with no sign of anything holding it there. I jumped off my bike and ran over to exmaine it more closely. Sam followed me. "Um, Jon? Maybe we should leave now. This thing might be dangerous." I didn't hear him. I was too busy losing my balance as he bumped into me. The next few moments seemed to happen in slow-motion. I started to fall forwards and yelped loudly. Sam realised what was happening and grabbed my arm. It didn't help, I was still falling. My body hit the ring of light and a bright flash illuminated the forest.
Two deserted bikes fell to the floor. There was nobody there to pick them up again.
END CHAPTER
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Post by Black Seraphim Zero on Apr 10, 2007 18:03:19 GMT -5
I'm just going to fix some minor mistakes, ok?
As we cycled home, Sam suggested we go into the nearby forest to se if we could find something for the project. Normally I would not have hesitated to agree, but I was getting an unusual feeling from the area under the trees and was about to say no(no capital) when I saw something odd under one of the more ancient oak(no caps either) trees. It was a shimmering ring of light, suspended about 10 centimetres from the floor with no sign of anything holding it there. I jumped off my bike and ran over to exmaine it more closely. Sam followed me. "Um, Jon? Maybe we should leave now. This thing might be dangerous." I didn't hear him. I was too busy losing my balance and he bumped into me. The next few moments seemed to happen in slow-motion. I started to fall forwards and yelped loudly. Sam realised what was happening and grabbed my arm. It didn't help, I was still falling. My body hit the ring of light and a bright flash illuminated the forest.
So far, really good. Much better than mine at the beginning.
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Post by Xenos Infinity on Apr 11, 2007 2:40:24 GMT -5
you really think so? wow, thanks! unfortunately I'm going to Wales for a few days and I can't access the internet to make any more updates, but I'm thinking about trying some pictures of the characters while I'm away.
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Post by Black Seraphim Zero on Apr 11, 2007 17:50:26 GMT -5
O.o I really wanted to see it unfold. One more comment: don't leave us hanging like that.
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Post by Xenos Infinity on Apr 15, 2007 10:52:25 GMT -5
sorry! I'm back again now and I'm working on the next chapter. unfortunately I just remembered I can't draw anything humanoid >_>
I can still do objects, so I'm working on my character's sword.
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Post by Black Seraphim Zero on Apr 16, 2007 18:32:18 GMT -5
O.o *Cries* darn! Almost a week of waiting and I get this? It's too much! *Cries*
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Post by Xenos Infinity on Apr 17, 2007 4:43:57 GMT -5
Ok, I've got the next chapter. note: thoughts will be in italics from now on. telepathy will be in italics with a colon before it and no speech marks. the messages will also be a certain colour to distinguish who's sending them.
Chapter 2: A kind of Magic?
"Ow." A thud echoed through the darkness as I felt myself land. Where I'd landed, I didn't know. It was underground, I could tell that much. Wow, it's dark in here. Whoever made this place should have installed some lights... As soon as I thought that, the entire area was filled with light so bright it almost blinded me. Well, maybe not that bright. perhaps more like daylight? Again, the light level responded to my thoughts. Something odd was going on here and I decided to find out what. I looked around and my jaw dropped. I was standing in the center of some sort of temple. The decorations on the walls appeared to be mosaics, depicting six soldiers with what seemed to be massive suits of armour, carrying swords almost as tall as they themselves were. Someone went to a lot of trouble making this place. But why make a temple with no doors or windows? There must be something hidden. I stared around, in hopes of finding some form of exit. There was nothing. Except... I walked over to Sam, who had just appeared on the floor near one of the mosaics. It was a blue-armoured warrior with a sword which wouldn't have looked out of place as part of a glacier, in Switzerland maybe. "Um, Sam? are you awake?" "I think so, but I feel like I just got thrown at a brick wall." "Can you do me a favour?" "What now? You don't want me to get you back out of that hole again, do you?" "No. Just touch that blue picture on the wall." He stood up and walked over to it, frowning at me. "Why do you want me to touch this? There's nothing special abo-AAH!" I grinned as I watched him disappear through the wall. My guess had been right; the pictures were some sort of secret doors. I stepped in front of the nearest one, a figure in red armour, and tried to walk through it. Moments later I was sitting on the floor with a sore nose. I guess you can't walk through all of them. Maybe there's a way to tell which ones you can. I pulled myself up and closed my eyes, trying to sense which ones would work. On Earth that wouldn't have worked but normal rules didn't seem to apply here. :Come to me, young one. The darkness is your path... I opened my eyes and swore loudly. The word echoed around the room. The darkness is my path? Whatever that was, I think it meant the black wall... I ran over to it and held out my hand tentatively. A glowing circle formed in the middle of the picture, just like the one I had seen in the forest earlier that day. "Well, here goes nothing." I reached out and touched the shining ring.
Being pulled through a wall is a very strange experience, especially when you can see it's a totally solid one. I found myself in a long passageway with small torches bolted to the wall. I gasped -- no sound came. :What? Why can't I talk? did I get something stuck in my mouth? :Jon? is that you? Looks like I'm not the only one who had that problem. I would have cursed if I could. I was hearing Sam's voice, but he wasn't in this passageway. He wasn't even in this side of the building. The answer came to me immediately. telepathy.
I blinked as I saw a movement further down the passage. Walking towards it, I saw a huge shadow moving towards me. Leaping through a door next to where I was standing, I saw a huge, serpent-like creature slither past, casting about for something. Its next meal. Me.
I glanced around the room and realised that the walls were covered with weapons. Two in particular caught my eye: a shining silver dagger and a huge purple longsword, almost as tall as me. I grabbed the sword and felt an almost electric tingle shoot up my arm. I almost dropped it in surprise, then heard a yelp in my mind. :ARGH! WHAT IN THE... It appeared that Sam was having the same problems as I was. I grinned. :Found anything? :Yeah, a giant pirhana fish. And I think it's hungry. :You think you've in trouble? I've got a massive snake-thing trying to break into the room I'm hiding in. And it was. I swore silently again, then grabbed the dagger from the wall and clipped it to my belt, holding the longsword in one hand. It was surprisingly light for something almost two metres long. :Good thing I used to do fencing. EN GARDE, SNAKE! I lunged forwards as the snake smashed the door, striking it over the head with the sword. To my horror, the sword bounced off. I lost my grip on the weapon and it shot straight up into the roof. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. I drew the dagger slowly. Surprisingly, the snake started to back off when it saw this. I grinned. :Time to play, snakey.
As the snake reversed up the corridor, it brushed one of the torches and reared back. Not in anger, but pain. I smiled, jumping and pushing the dagger into one of the torches. To my surprise, it immediately glowed red and flames began licking the blade. I removed it and realised it had somehow transferred the torch's heat and light to itself, igniting the dagger and making it twice as deadly for the creature. I struck out with the dagger and, amazingly, a stream of black fire shot from the dagger into the now lunging snake's mouth. The creature let out a noise sounding like a shriek and collapsed. That was WAY too easy. Nothing that big could be that weak...
I sighed, relieved. Then stopped. I had actually heard it. I could speak again. "Whew. That was close." "Indeed, warrior. You are definitely the one." I span round, now facing the snake. Or where it had been, at least. Now standing there was a figure in what appeared to be ancient Samurai armour, with a glowing blue spear clutched in his right hand. "Welcome to the Temple of Elements... Heir of Chaos."
End Chapter
I'm nearly done on the next one. it should be up tomorrow.
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Post by Black Seraphim Zero on Apr 20, 2007 16:12:02 GMT -5
YES! Exactly what I was hoping for, suspense, action, the works! If you go on like this, you'll be a writer soon! I'm not kidding; you have what it takes!
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Post by Xenos Infinity on Apr 21, 2007 4:43:49 GMT -5
heh. you really think so? wow.
anyway. this next chapter isn't such a long one but as I'm back at school after the easter holidays now I can't get as much writing done.
Chapter 3: Baptism of Fire
"Sorry, what?" "I said, welcome to the..." "No, not that. what's this about an 'Heir of Chaos'? I'm nobody special." The figure smiled and removed his helmet. To my surprise, he looked almost totally human. Almost. His ears were pointed and his eyes were an almost fluorescent green. "You are. You just don't know it yet. This temple was created milennia ago by the Lord of Chaos, Xenos, to guard the world of Allandria from anyone who might try to steal its magic. A magician managed to enter it a few years ago and took the power of Order magic for himself. Since then, the people of this world have been oppressed, waiting for a hero to arrive. That hero has now come." He lifted his hand and pointed at me. "You."
In the temple Hub, an explosion sounded and fireballs began to batter the walls. A figure in red armour formed seemingly of some type of scale stepped out from the scarlet mosaic. "It is time... to test the successor."
The figure before me explained the story of the Elemental War, a great legend told by the people of this world (apparently a parallel universe to our own, where magic replaced science as the main force behind society). It seemed I was the only being able to enter the portrait of Xenos, the past Lord of Chaos, and therefore the Heir to his magic. I stepped up to a pedestal in the center of the room and reached towards a shimmering purple crystal in the middle of it. As I touched it, a blaze of light shot out from the stone and into the air above it, forming into a humanoid silhouette. :So. You have arrived at last. I blinked. This being somehow had the same mental voice as I did, whoever he was. "Lord Xenos, I presume?" :Correct, youngling. My guardian has already informed you of my story, I see. "Yes, sir. But I don't know if I am really ready to handle a post with this much responsibility." :That alone is proof that you are ready. if you were overconfident I would have returned you to your own reality. However, time is short. I sense two beings wielding magic in this building at this moment other than myself. One bears the power of Water, but the other wields Fire and you will not be able to defeat him alone. "Are you sure of this, master?" This was from the Guardian, who looked as surprised as I felt. :Aye, Elbern. The next lord of Fire has been created and it appears he has already been armed for the post. I swore mentally. Apparently not a good idea. :Chaos... I sense you... you cannot hide from me... "Ooooh boy. This is not good." :I agree. If he can hear us, we must commence with the transformation immediately. "Pardon?" The spirit paused, then dived headfirst into my chest. I cursed loudly, then stopped. I could suddenly feel an immense power flowing through my body, as if I had been struck by lightning and absorbed the bolt. :My magic is as your magic. My mind is one with yours. Don't fight it, embrace it. Now... what sort of armour would you like? The question surprised me. "What do you mean?" :Don't speak out loud. I am part of your mind now, you need only think your questions to me. Okay, how's this? :Yes, that's better. Now then... I see you like the mineral known in your world as Obsidian, correct? That will do nicely. My vision snapped back to reality. Somehow I could sense exactly what I needed to do. "Shadows, Darkness, Magic of Chaos. Form me a shell that I may be defended." Tendrils of purple light shot from the floor, coccooning my body in a sphere of light. Moments later it shattered. I stared down at myself and grinned widely. "Oh yeah. That's more like it." My body was totally covered in a thick layer of black, reflective material, with silver orbs set into the two large spheres that had formed over my shoulders. Oddly, even though I knew Obsidian was volcanic glass and would shatter if one were to try bending it, I could move just as easily as if I were wearing normal cloth. :You'll need a helmet and a weapon, too. A helmet and a weapon? No problem. I simply focussed my mind on a purple, crystalline sword with two curved barbs protruding from the tip. The resulting weapon was purple, yes, but edged with silver and inset with silver runes on both sides of the blade. Indeed it resembled a broadsword more than anything else. I hefted it from one hand to the other, surprised at how light the weapon was. The helmet was easier: I simply pictured a sleek, streamlined helm with a black visor covering the eyes and a mask covering the lower half of the face. It formed in exactly the way I imagined it. "My Lord and Master." The Guardian dropped to one knee, bowing. "There is no need to treat me in such a way, Sir Eldren. But there is one thing you can do." "Yes, Master?" "Tell me how to use my magic in battle. I'll need it to beat this Fire person."
One short lesson later (I don't wish to reveal the details in case one of you manages to use magic yourself with their aid) I felt ready. :Sam, can you hear me? Yes. What's wrong? Time to test your new equipment. Get ready for a fight.
END CHAPTER
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